May 2013
My horse is there in front of me Clip-cloppin’ down the road. He stops and flips his tail straight up And drops another load. My cows dump in the meadow, My chickens foul their coop, And flies are buzzin’ ‘round and ‘round Eatin’ all that poop. The sheep are out there bleatin’… I gotta’ get a grip! The stupid things are standin’ Knee-deep in...
richwhitelesbian:
we need some new and more powerful swears
“You’re not really an adult at all. You’re just a tall child holding a beer,...”
– Dylan Moran (via holymum)
tardisity:
The oldest person alive was born on April 19, 1897, meaning that April 18th, 1897 was approximately the last time the Earth was inhabited by an entirely different set of people and if you don’t think that’s the realist shit ever then you can get right on outta town.
“You tried to change, didn’t you? Closed your mouth more, tried to be softer,...”
– Warsan Shire (via aurelle)
sweeneytad:
*dentist slaughters family in front of you*
they’re bleeding because you don’t floss
basic-spacee:
pussy pussy pussy marijuana
vagisodium:
vagisodium:
i bet my tongue is stronger than yours wanna find out
this post has 99,000 notes can you guess how many people have made out with me since i made it the answer is 0
hotboyproblems:
the more uglier you are the more comfortable i am around you
bigstupidbaby:
ugh mums are so annoying ‘clean ur room take out the trash im worried about your mental health why is there a dead guy in the living room’ ha ha yeah ok whatever mum
“In truth, you like the pain. You like it because you believe you deserve it.”
– Marya Hornbacher (via angaria)
mermaidsandmisandry:
things i dont need in my life:
wasps
those stringy things on the banana
commercials on youtube
multipack:
sorry but i think we should break up, it’s not you it’s-a-me mario
cnnbreaking:
when you are so desperate you go to the second page of google results
rneerkat:
i was going to do a diet but i think ill weight
lameborghini:
my spidey sense is tellin me that ur a little bitch
gothlolita:
im Sorry but you two cant get the marriage. the bible said Adam and Eve not matthew and ashley. come back when youve legally changed your names
alxesi:
will.i.pm
person: i like you
me: why
niallhortonhearsawho:
a girl walks into a classroom wearing a spaghetti strap shirt. immediately every boy within a 50 yard radius gets a raging erection. the teacher attempts to present a lesson but to no avail, no one can hear over the sound of every male student masturbating to this girl’s shoulders. why couldn’t she just wear a long sleeved shirt
snarg:
truth or dare more like preform a strange sexual act or tell me who you like
